Lost (Incomplete)

So I am sitting here, wondering,
How did I get to this spot?
Even more important, How do I leave?
It started with curiosity,
Slowly so slowly crept through my mind,
Foolishly I let it take hold of me,
Now i can't shake loose, I'm locked

I started this journey happy,
Focused, mindful and true.
Sincere like a child, happy at heart,
Bubbly with joy, real joy from within.
My Shepherd to guide, me happy to follow,
Memories still remain of times so sweet.
When things were good and also true

They called them wolves, hungry for food,
They offered friendship and looked well kept
They came along with fun, popularity,
All bundled with something called satisfaction,
Curiosity killed the cat they say,
But then same cat has nine lives
And so has liberty to live recklessly

I followed, thinking I was smart and clever
I can pull out and leave whenever I want
So sure I could find my way back to my place
Little did I know that it was a blunder,
Friends in guise, while they shared their hunger.
Days passed, weeks, months and years,
Blind to the truth I still followed.

At the beginning, storms came and passed,
Doubts came and were quickly eased,
Now the clouds are here to stay,
Doubts ever increasing day by day
I am lost, truly, totally, completely
Thought I knew my way but truly I don't
Wish I had someone to guide me home.

Been lost for so long, lost in the dark
It begins to feel familiar, it is all I know,
Sadness at the edge of my mind, round its borders,
Pain right after like a cushion, always growing.
I am tired, been struggling for so long,
I want to let go and drown so I can come out again.

One of them days

A morning, the beginning of a bright new day,
I haven't slept enough, but must still get up,
I up my hygiene, go down on my knees and pray,
Lord let Your will be done till the day is gone.
On a usual day, this would be a beautiful day,
Today I can feel a cloud, I feel something missing,
I feel cold, can't shake the feeling with shivers
There is an empty feeling that lingers

It is so easy to dwell on the cold, the shivers,
Even easier to wallow in hurt and pain that hinders,
Point fingers, push blame, riddled with grief,
Shot by bullets, from many a man's mischief.
Shut yourself up, so people won't see,
Tears keep flowing, won't let you be,
That space in your heart ever increasing,
The numbness it brings never ceasing.

I remember the sunny days gone by, happy days,
I remember the storms in between and I smile
Because I remember the rainbows in between,
Samples of love, promises of warmth to come.
So easy to forget when dark times come,
What it feels like to be warm and loved,
Easy to forget in pain, that its just one chain,
A chain which once broken opens the door to life.